Why Christmas Can Be Annoying

So the other month I went Christmas shopping. I hate Christmas shopping because I never know what a person wants or needs. Should I buy a present for this person or should I buy one for this person? Should I spend more money on my h00ker's present or my parent's or someone who doesn't matter as much?

So I went shopping and had no idea what to buy really. This first gift was for my h00ker who I have sexual interactions every Tuesday. She is very loyal and does pretty much everything I tell her to do which most h00ker's aren't willing to provide. You think having sexual interactions with someone awesome and perfect like me while getting payed for it is good enough. But no. She wants a Christmas present. She wanted me to take her to red lobster. She really loves seafood. I refused because I didn't want to be seen in public with her. She was upset and I didn't have sexual interactions with her that night.

I felt bad and decided to get a present for her. This present was easy to find because in the front they have a big tank where they keep all the lobsters. What I did is just walk right into Red Lobster and just took a lobster out of the tank and walked out of the store. I mean who is going to stop me? The college girl in her 20s? Do you think they will actually are willing to come chase me? Hell no. She did try to chase me down in the parking area, but I found a broken metal where bikes are locked up to. I just grabbed it and threw at the pregnant college girl's head to make her stop chasing me. Like you I was quite surprised that she actually started chasing me to get the lobster back. Don't worry about her she will be fine again in 3 weeks. I wrapped up the lobster in a box and I gave it to my h00ker the next Tuesday night.

I greeted my h00ker with "Merry Christmas" and gave her the lobster. She was really flattered "Oh my god you didn't to get me this Rule-e! You are truly are a sweat man!" She opened up the box and there was the lobster and it was basically rotted and it smelled. I wasn't aware this was going to happen and she freaks the hell out. "Oh my god this is terrible it stinks and it's disgusting. I can't do anything with this!" I told her to calm the hell down. But I couldn't get her to stop flipping the hell out. See how rude she is? I gave her a present and this is how she thanks me for it. But after 2 hours later she stopped crying about this and agreed to get into her Squire Grooktook costume and allowed me to do sexual stuff to her. But yeah this is why I don't like to get presents for other people because you never know how they will react to it. This was a perfect example how someone got upset about me giving them a gift.

My h00ker wasn't the only person I got a present for. I decided to get my sister something this year. I actually gave it to her the other night. When I was shopping for my h00ker 2 weeks ago I decided to buy my sister's family a puppy. I got this cute little puppy it was quite adorable. So I wrapped up the puppy in a box and went to Red Lobster and robbed the place after as described in the last 2 paragraphs. The family was sitting around the present. My sister's daughters opens up the box and "OH MY GOD!". I bet you are thinking the puppy is dead because I wrapped him up in the box. Huh HUH?! I BET YOU WERE THINKING THE PUPPY IS DEAD! Of course it's not! I'm not stupid. I know you are supposed to give a dog air and food. I just thought the lobster wasn't going to rot. I mean they can breath in water and air, so i thought they were immortal creatures. However I found out the puppy was a pit bull and got mad and started to attacking everybody. But that's besides the the point because it's the thought that counts. Even the puppy I bought was the cheapest in the flea market.

Now I got my boss and garbage man the same gift. Just some beer. I mean whoever has to put up with me and my garbage deserves to get a present. Who else takes out the trash for you besides the garbage man? I can tell the h00ker to take the garbage out for me, but she refuses " I'm not taking out that dirty, polluted begrimed, blackened, cruddy, crummy, disheveled, fecal, feculent, foul, grimy, gross, grubby, grungy, impure, loathsome, miry, mucky, muddy, nasty, obscene, offensive, putrid, repulsive, revolting, scummy, sleazy, slimy, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, smoky, soiled, soily, sooty, squalid, unclean, uncleanly, unkempt, unwashed, verminous, vile, yecchy garbage for you." Then I feel guilty for booting her out of the house after refusing. It's her fault for putting me in the guilty position. See? Even a filthy h00ker isn't willing to take the trash, but the garbage man is willing to do so. I did drain half of the beer for me and then fill it with water. But he is a garbage man he lost all his sense of taste when was employed for the job. They are probably not human beings anymore after being mutated by the garbage's bad scent. So I decided he would never notice anyways.

I hope this is a good message for you to get your h00kers, garbage man, family members gifts for the Christmas holidays. But if have a lot of money like me from beating people up I mean working overtime then I suggest you get a lot of presents for yourself. To be honest who is more important then yourself? I bring all the family members over Christmas day with all my presents in front of me. I open them all. Every single one of them with all the family members watching. "Oh look a statue of Squire Grooktook! I'll beat this big pile of crap to rubble." "Oh look at all these adult sexual magazines I got!" After I'm done opening all the presents I tell my family members to get the hell out and be happy that they at least got some crackers and cheese for watching.

100% true story