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Gaming Boards => Microsoft Xbox Brand Board => Topic started by: Turboweasle on June 12, 2013, 11:38:43 am



Title: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Turboweasle on June 12, 2013, 11:38:43 am
Let's try to justify all of MS's terrible decisions in a totally-not-ironic way, shall we?



The XBOne is $499 because we wanted it to replace all other entertainment systems in your house.  Except your cable box.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: DoubleGunz on June 12, 2013, 12:32:38 pm
The Xbox One requires an internet connection but it's ok, because you can still play your 360 offline! Who cares about marketing your next console when you can just market the old one.

(Maybe they did this so we'd appreciate the 360 more, and go out and buy that instead. The X1 is just a decoy.)


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Ps358 on June 12, 2013, 12:37:45 pm
http://leviathyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/xbox-one-one.jpg


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: the KR3AT3R on June 12, 2013, 02:27:06 pm
Lol, this is going to be good.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: the KR3AT3R on June 12, 2013, 03:05:02 pm
*Microsoft press conference* - "Okay folks, good news; Mattrick is no longer with us and has just been named as Sony's VP of marketing!"


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Ps358 on June 12, 2013, 03:41:40 pm
Lol, I wouldn't be surprised if he was working undercover for them.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Cadillak on June 12, 2013, 10:07:27 pm
Hay guys, we just made the internet requirement to let you know when you're internet connection has gone down for more than 24 hours. It's just a reminder to check your router, jeez. Also, we still haz CoD.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Autumn1194 on June 13, 2013, 05:45:35 am
"even if you don't have internet... It's still a lovely decoration"


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Turboweasle on June 13, 2013, 11:15:13 am
"We have an external power supply brick because it can act as a Doritos Cool Ranch™ heater!  Why would you want to heat up your Doritos Cool Ranch™?  Because we said you should!  Haven't you been paying attention?"


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: the KR3AT3R on June 13, 2013, 02:56:59 pm
"In your manuals you will find a list of other uses for your XBONE."

*Manual* "Your XBONE may also be used as:

Replacement brick for your home
Tire chalk
Step stool
Fallout shelter
Jack stand
Go go stand
Throw it at a home invader
Target practice


and much, much more!


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: the KR3AT3R on June 13, 2013, 04:28:48 pm
Nothing, eh?  :-\

(http://a1.phobos.apple.com/us/r1000/008/Purple/e8/dc/14/mzi.uentlxxr.jpg)


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Autumn on June 13, 2013, 05:23:27 pm
Haha


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Cadillak on June 13, 2013, 08:34:18 pm
Haha


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: JabbaScrub on June 14, 2013, 01:37:55 am
Haha. X-bone.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Termin8or on June 14, 2013, 06:24:43 am
LOL Kreater  ;)

This should be the real tagline:

Xbox One, we named it that because we know it's the only "one" that will ever be used.....it's a "one" of a kind.....it's "one" compared to one million PS4s....

But I know we're supposed play damage control in here......so......Xbox One: There will be a future upgrade (we can't commit to when, but trust us) that lets you print your own money so you can pay the $499 price tag, pay to always be online, pay your Xbox Live membership, pay for new games because we won't let you use used games, and we will think of other ways to take more money from you :)


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Ps358 on June 14, 2013, 10:31:13 am

This should be the real tagline:

Xbox One, we named it that because we know it's the only "one" that will ever be used.....it's a "one" of a kind.....it's "one" compared to one million PS4s....


Ahem..

http://leviathyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/xbox-one-one.jpg


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Termin8or on June 14, 2013, 11:02:30 am
I didn't read that one....but either way, it's not the same  :P and, ahem, mine was original


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Ps358 on June 14, 2013, 11:46:52 am
True.


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Laughing Turd on June 14, 2013, 05:56:32 pm
There is literally no brakes on the Microsoft train of failure.

http://www.geek.com/games/the-witcher-3-dev-studio-wont-be-able-to-play-its-own-game-on-the-xbox-one-1558911/


Title: Re: ITT we play the role of Microsoft damage control specialists
Post by: Ps358 on June 14, 2013, 06:01:14 pm
Lol, Microsoft is stupid.


Title: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Turboweasle on June 15, 2013, 01:37:57 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46yBdG6cicA


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: DoubleGunz on June 15, 2013, 02:10:26 pm
how sweet


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Turboweasle on June 15, 2013, 02:14:29 pm
I know, right?  I respect that he has the stones to admit when his company screwed up.  Still, the damage has been done.


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: JabbaScrub on June 15, 2013, 03:34:35 pm
Didn't work for me. I got Rick Astley.


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Squire Grooktook on June 15, 2013, 03:34:36 pm
I dunno, he didn't sound too sincere.


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Turboweasle on June 15, 2013, 05:18:29 pm
Didn't work for me. I got Rick Astley.

lolwut

Try deleting your cookies or something.


I dunno, he didn't sound too sincere.

It's probably hard to seem sincere with his face.  It's just one of those that needs a punch, you know?


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Ps358 on June 15, 2013, 05:20:03 pm
It has begun.


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Autumn1194 on June 16, 2013, 01:10:52 am
this is so 2008


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: Squire Grooktook on June 16, 2013, 01:42:44 am
That's exactly why it's funny.


Title: Re: Don Mattrick apologizes for the Xbox One being a failure, disappointing fans
Post by: TH3 NAZ1 on June 16, 2013, 02:31:44 am
Well. This guy shouldn't have to apologize. XBO is poop either way.