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General Discussion / Entertainment / The All-Seeing Eye / I think my pillow talks to me at night
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on: November 29, 2013, 10:08:04 pm
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Since 2 weeks ago my pillow started talking to me and tells me to start fapping in front of my dog. Last night it told me to find a friend and kick him in his face. I haven't done any of those followings yet, but i'm starting to get urges to do so now. However for not listening it started to make random disturbing noises of people being killed. I hope my pillow doesn't know how to use the computer or it will be mad if it seen me talking behind it's back. Any suggestions? I will be afraid to sleep tonight if no one helps me. I'M YOUNG! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
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General Discussion / Entertainment / The All-Seeing Eye / Has this ever happened to anyone or is it just me?
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on: August 24, 2013, 01:22:19 am
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I think there might be ghost in my house. Every night I always see a floating shaver shaving my hair. I can feel invisible hands touching my head. At first I thought this was my parents doing by getting Opera to do this. Has this ever happened to you? Just wondering if this have ever happened to you or people you know. We can find the answer if we think together.
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General Discussion / Entertainment / The All-Seeing Eye / The Adventures of Squire Grooktook Part 1+2
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on: May 13, 2013, 03:07:43 pm
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Prologue: (This chapter is more of a summary of who the characters are and how they met)
There was a person named Squire Grooktook. Grooktook is the scourge of evil. He's the strongest of them all. One day, Gombhumn kicked Grooktook really far. Grooktook flew in the air, crying in terror. He landed on an empty environment far away from the eyes of Gombhumn. "Where am I?" Grooktook thought. Then suddenly, Grooktook was squashed by a train. He was left in the rails suffering unspeakable pain. "Why fate, why!?" cried Grooktook. Fortunately, THE_CLAN_MAN found Grooktook. He healed Grooktook using the magic of duct tape. Grooktook was as good as new!
Grooktook was so thankful he bought THE_CLAN_MAN a burger and french fries to feed the squirrels. But then, a gang of pirates appeared....NAZ1 pirates. "Yarr, I'll be taking that burger, me bucko!" said the pirate captain. "Over my dead body, you NAZ1 pirate bastard!" yelled Grooktook as he threw a ninja star at the pirate captain "HRRRRSSSKKPP!!" gasped the pirate captain as the deadly shuriken pierced through his brain. THE_CLAN_MAN quickly finished the pirate lieutenants with his lasers. PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! went the lasers. "ACK!" said pirate #1 as he feel face-first into a puddle of his own blood. "ARGH!" yelled pirate #2 as his chest exploded, spraying vital organs and chips of bone. The NAZ1 pirates were ummmmm...sleeping. Grooktook and THE_CLAN_MAN were safe.
Chapter 1: Works in Progress (85%) -Adding more detail at some parts of the story.
The battle was won. The NAZ1 Pirate Gang was no more. Grooktook suggested that THE_CLAN_MAN should eat the hamburger and feed the french fries to the squirrels before the food gets cold. THE_CLAN_MAN licked the hamburger 3 times. The hamburger was devoured in 9 seconds with using only his tongue.THE_CLAN_MAN claimed the burger was bad. For it has not met his standards. However the squirrels enjoyed the french fries ever so much.
Then officer BobSquack drove up to Grooktook and THE_CLAN_MAN in his shiny police sports car. The blue lights on the top flashed and flashed. "We've been trying to catch the NAZ1 Pirate Gang's Leader for months!" "You're a hero, Squire Grooktook! I'm going to make an official member of the space hunting clan!" said officer BobSquack. "No thanks. I enjoy going my own path and discovering my own secrets." said Grooktook. "Well hop into my car! The least I can do is drive you back home." BobSquack offered. "Very well." Grooktook inserted calmly. THE_CLAN_MAN joined the ride. VRRRRROOOOOOMMM went the shiny police sports car! Woo!!! Woo!!! went the sirens! Suddenly the car stops moving. It appeared to be out of gas. BobSquack called the towing company and told to park the car to the gas station.
All 3 went to the gas station and saw the car. However the car was still under repair. "Hmmm. Maybe we should just hang out at the park for now." said BobSquack. Grooktook just walks around enjoying the scenery and the sunset. Then we was approached by this homeless guy named himself Joe the Nice Park Bum. "Have a dollar kid?" asked Joe. Grooktook refused. Joe starts begging for the dollar. "It's just 1 damn dollar!" Joe started shaking in stress and takes out a knife out of his pocket. "I shall cut stomach open and make you vomit in it!" Joe swings and leaps towards Grooktook. Grooktook dodged the knife easily. But wait! There is no longer a knife in Joe's hand. Grooktook shifts a little and see a doctor behind Joe with the knife. "You forgot your medication, Joe. You know better then to go outside without it." said Doctor Dave. Joe was sorry and how he talked about won't allow that to happen again. Then BobSquack and THE_CLAN_MAN comes rushing down after hearing all of that. "Now you guys you must not fight. Especially in a very child a public park such as the park. I have this song and music player. I usually play this song about safety at schools, but it never hurts to do it now." said BobSquack. Grooktook, THE_CLAN_MAN, and the Dave just nods in shame. But in the guilty position Joe was in he had no choice but to listen.
Song: Lets sing a song about safety. Because safety is pretty important! You should take your time when passing through the dark roads of evil. Watch your surrounding and never run/mash like a mad man or you may fall victim to Satan worshipers. And watch out for Tai4...who lives in the sewer. He'll grab your leg! This won't be like a cartoon or video game where you are powerful. You won't get away! Cause his grip is too strong. He works out everyday. He will lick your skin hard until your flesh and organs are gone and will eat your bones! I guess you should have listened to the song...I guess you should have listened...
"Yes, yes. Nice song and all, but it's almost night time. Lets us all get home. said Dave. But before they leave 2 dinosaurs appeared out of no where...Team Fortress 2 fan dinosaurs. (They are wearing hats.) "ROAR!" growled Dinosaur #1, as Dinosaur #2 was putting on sunglasses and winking you know to look cool. The evil creatures start chasing people throughout the park, stabbing people with their dagger like teeth. BobSquack runs away. Grooktook draws his sword "Lets take bastards down!" as Dave the Doctor takes out medication drugs and a giant needle out of his bag "Yup ready when you are, Grook." Grooktook and Dave used a great variety of weapons. But nothing seemed to work. Grooktook realized these weren't ordinary dinosaurs. But then the dinosaur attack Joe the defenseless bum. Before Joe was finished off a hover car flys by and shot dinosaur #1 with sleeping powder. 2 machine guns emerges out of the car as begins to shoot dinosaur #2 to death. However the car was not finished being repaired and meltfunactions and crashes. The_CLAN_MAN arrives wondering why no one is going to the gas station and see's a dinosaur. THE_CLAN_MAN rushes to unconscious dinosaur #1 and grips his neck with 1 hand. Tossed the dinosaur into the air with him and chops off the dinosaurs stomach with his bare hands.
A figure appears. It was none other then RedSox! Grooktook in that instances runs towards RedSox and slices him. To Grooktook's surprise no blood came out of Sox only leather. RedSox takes off the leather. But wait! It wasn't RedSox it was the NAZ1 Pirate Gang Leader. "Ye may have bested me clones, but ye'll never beat our true selves. This time I shall get revenge on you for not giving the buger when told." said the NAZ1 Pirate Gang Leader. He then holds 3 infinity gems: Time, Space, and Mind. Grooktook found out how he got the dinosaurs and how the Leader and the dinosaurs warped to him. The NAZ1 Pirate Gang Leader warps the real 2 lieutenants and dinosaurs. BobSquack, Joe the Nice Park Bum, Squire Grooktook, THE_CLAN_MAN, and Doctor Dave fought the NAZ1 Pirate Gang. The Leader had an Rocket Laucher with machine gun bullet speed. The 2 dinosaurs had sci-fi weapons and jet packs. The 2 lieutenants had hover boots with 5 machine snippers equipped. (This is the part where you make up the battle. You have a fine idea what kind of powers they have reading this far) But eventually the gang was defeated. Grooktook chopped off both of the NAZ1 Pirate Gang's Leader's arms off, stabbed him in the heart, and kicked him down a cliff where he was eaten by sharks in the water below. That was truly an intense battle that can'not be described. "That was a close one!" Admitted Grooktook. He picks up the 3 infinity gems and passed 2 of them THE_CLAN_MAN. THE_CLAN_MAN throws them to space never to be gotten again hopefully. While Grooktook destroyed the infinity gem of Time. Suddenly the sky turns red. By the look of THE_CLAN_MAN'S face maybe that was a fatal move. A giant vortex appears. "Hahahaha! Come by childs. Try to stop me if you can. We shall witness a new aeon...AN AEON WHICH I RULE!!!" All 5 went into the vortex...
-To be continued...
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Flame-Wars ( Rated-R ) / THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF NDS AND IRS / Why Christmas Can Be Annoying
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on: May 09, 2013, 01:41:42 pm
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So the other month I went Christmas shopping. I hate Christmas shopping because I never know what a person wants or needs. Should I buy a present for this person or should I buy one for this person? Should I spend more money on my h00ker's present or my parent's or someone who doesn't matter as much?
So I went shopping and had no idea what to buy really. This first gift was for my h00ker who I have sexual interactions every Tuesday. She is very loyal and does pretty much everything I tell her to do which most h00ker's aren't willing to provide. You think having sexual interactions with someone awesome and perfect like me while getting payed for it is good enough. But no. She wants a Christmas present. She wanted me to take her to red lobster. She really loves seafood. I refused because I didn't want to be seen in public with her. She was upset and I didn't have sexual interactions with her that night.
I felt bad and decided to get a present for her. This present was easy to find because in the front they have a big tank where they keep all the lobsters. What I did is just walk right into Red Lobster and just took a lobster out of the tank and walked out of the store. I mean who is going to stop me? The college girl in her 20s? Do you think they will actually are willing to come chase me? Hell no. She did try to chase me down in the parking area, but I found a broken metal where bikes are locked up to. I just grabbed it and threw at the pregnant college girl's head to make her stop chasing me. Like you I was quite surprised that she actually started chasing me to get the lobster back. Don't worry about her she will be fine again in 3 weeks. I wrapped up the lobster in a box and I gave it to my h00ker the next Tuesday night.
I greeted my h00ker with "Merry Christmas" and gave her the lobster. She was really flattered "Oh my god you didn't to get me this Rule-e! You are truly are a sweat man!" She opened up the box and there was the lobster and it was basically rotted and it smelled. I wasn't aware this was going to happen and she freaks the hell out. "Oh my god this is terrible it stinks and it's disgusting. I can't do anything with this!" I told her to calm the hell down. But I couldn't get her to stop flipping the hell out. See how rude she is? I gave her a present and this is how she thanks me for it. But after 2 hours later she stopped crying about this and agreed to get into her Squire Grooktook costume and allowed me to do sexual stuff to her. But yeah this is why I don't like to get presents for other people because you never know how they will react to it. This was a perfect example how someone got upset about me giving them a gift.
My h00ker wasn't the only person I got a present for. I decided to get my sister something this year. I actually gave it to her the other night. When I was shopping for my h00ker 2 weeks ago I decided to buy my sister's family a puppy. I got this cute little puppy it was quite adorable. So I wrapped up the puppy in a box and went to Red Lobster and robbed the place after as described in the last 2 paragraphs. The family was sitting around the present. My sister's daughters opens up the box and "OH MY GOD!". I bet you are thinking the puppy is dead because I wrapped him up in the box. Huh HUH?! I BET YOU WERE THINKING THE PUPPY IS DEAD! Of course it's not! I'm not stupid. I know you are supposed to give a dog air and food. I just thought the lobster wasn't going to rot. I mean they can breath in water and air, so i thought they were immortal creatures. However I found out the puppy was a pit bull and got mad and started to attacking everybody. But that's besides the the point because it's the thought that counts. Even the puppy I bought was the cheapest in the flea market.
Now I got my boss and garbage man the same gift. Just some beer. I mean whoever has to put up with me and my garbage deserves to get a present. Who else takes out the trash for you besides the garbage man? I can tell the h00ker to take the garbage out for me, but she refuses " I'm not taking out that dirty, polluted begrimed, blackened, cruddy, crummy, disheveled, fecal, feculent, foul, grimy, gross, grubby, grungy, impure, loathsome, miry, mucky, muddy, nasty, obscene, offensive, putrid, repulsive, revolting, scummy, sleazy, slimy, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, smoky, soiled, soily, sooty, squalid, unclean, uncleanly, unkempt, unwashed, verminous, vile, yecchy garbage for you." Then I feel guilty for booting her out of the house after refusing. It's her fault for putting me in the guilty position. See? Even a filthy h00ker isn't willing to take the trash, but the garbage man is willing to do so. I did drain half of the beer for me and then fill it with water. But he is a garbage man he lost all his sense of taste when was employed for the job. They are probably not human beings anymore after being mutated by the garbage's bad scent. So I decided he would never notice anyways.
I hope this is a good message for you to get your h00kers, garbage man, family members gifts for the Christmas holidays. But if have a lot of money like me from beating people up I mean working overtime then I suggest you get a lot of presents for yourself. To be honest who is more important then yourself? I bring all the family members over Christmas day with all my presents in front of me. I open them all. Every single one of them with all the family members watching. "Oh look a statue of Squire Grooktook! I'll beat this big pile of crap to rubble." "Oh look at all these adult sexual magazines I got!" After I'm done opening all the presents I tell my family members to get the hell out and be happy that they at least got some crackers and cheese for watching.
100% true story
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